Christian Blog and Articles – For Women

The Day I Walked Away

Posted by on Apr 4, 2017 in Blog | 0 comments

The Day I Walked Away

Twelve years ago when our daughter was born God began to do a work in our hearts. I loved my job, I needed my job, and never had intended on leaving my job.  I was extremely happy that I was expecting again.  More than a year had passed since my terrible 15-week miscarriage, so I was excited, nervous and scared.  I hadn’t planned on telling anyone since our families lived seven hours away and we hadn’t told them yet, and my work family was certainly not first on the list, but one early morning I found myself (mid-training session with my favorite client) lying on my back with ten people in my face.  I had passed out. I delayed eating breakfast until after my earliest client, and while I was adjusting my clients speed on the treadmill – bam! Gone! Out like a light!  I had co-workers running in all directions and bringing me coke.  Once I downed some coke and came back to life a little I announced to the room that I was pregnant.  It was a spur of the moment, out of panic announcement. After I felt better, I vowed to never delay eating breakfast again while pregnant!

I just kept my faithful, fun clients after the baby was born, but working just wasn’t the same.  The baby even came to work with me and we had an onsite childcare.  It was the perfect situation, but it was anything but perfect.  Josh was bothered too and he hated the thought of neither one of us being with our baby all day.  We prayed.  We considered our options.  We sought the Lord.  I just had to work, my salary was critical to our survival since we had a cute little house, Josh was in school full-time, the little church Josh pastored barely covered our gas money, and we had insurance through my job.  It just wasn’t possible.
We coudn’t quite make it work for me to quit, but we both couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of keeping our baby at home.  We did have no debt (other than our mortgage) and a very nice savings account, so we decided that I would walk away from the job I loved.  I will never forget the burden and load of weight that I felt leaving that wellness center.  Turning in my badge, my picture and credentials coming down off the great wall of all the personal trainers, a burden was added, not lifted.  My self-worth was lowered a few notches.  My  heart was a bit sad to be honest.   We had also decided to move out into the county closer to the church and into a much better community to raise our family.  I wasn’t sure how bills were going to be paid, insurance, vehicle expenses, school tuition with books, groceries, and the list goes on.  Little did I know that God was about to work out a lot of things for my good.  A lot of bad things were in our near future.  We were about to grow in our faith in a major spurt.

The birth bills came in.  The entire hvac unit in our home went out.  Our transmission in our “new” car died, and it wasn’t under any warranty.  Our house was under contract and set to close, and we would also be closing on our new house the same day.  We had to provide keys at the closing table and so with our little baby we moved out.  The day before the closings our buyer backed out!! We were still committed and contracted to purchase the new house and still had to close on it, forcing us to pay two mortgage payments for six months until a new buyer came along.  We lost all of our savings.  Every. Penny.
With no savings, no consistent income, a new baby, a new house, and a new community we had an incredibly happy marriage.  We had a super healthy, happy baby that brought so much joy and laughter into our lives.  We had a thriving little church that supported and loved us and were rapidly growing in their walk with the Lord. God sent me a wonderful friend my same age and we bonded like sisters and shared so many of the same interests and struggles.  Although there was no money left over each week, our cabinets were stocked.  I remember each week bringing in the groceries and having such a full and merry worshipping heart to the Lord.   I truly remember stacking cans in the cabinet and singing, “how great is our God, sing with me how great is our God…..”
I truly experienced God do a work in our family.  I can’t explain the joy we had other than God blessing our obedience.  At the time I obviously didn’t know the future, but now I know that we had more times of trust coming, times where God would wipe out our savings again, a time where God would allow a disease to come into our daughters fragile little body, but we learned in those early days the joy of the Lord.  We learned in those difficult days that God will always provide.  Young David learned in the sheep pasture that lions and bears are no worry when God was with him. Later, when he would face greater giants and an evil, jealous king Saul, and his faith would be strong.
Sometimes I would love to go back to those days.  Days where I sat in the floor all day with my one baby girl.  She received all my attention and the bond we had was tight.  I never missed a new tooth coming in, I always felt it before it broke through.  I never missed her pulling up on me first, then trying to walk.  I always fed her myself.  I was the one that read her stories all day. I took her on a stroller jog almost every day (when it wasn’t winter)! I was the one that rocked her for naps.  I was the one that taught her to sing the ABC’s.  I was the one.  I was her mom.  I was always there.  God wanted it that way, and God wanted me to walk away from my job.  I am so thankful that He took care of us as a good Father, He is a good Father.

We didn’t go to the beach or many vacations those years.  We didn’t have a savings account.  We didn’t get to go out to eat and enjoy elaborate dates and trips.  Life was simple.  Life for us was living on what little we had.  The trade-off for the nice, comfortable salary was memories and joy I never would have imagined.  I would do it all over again, but one thing would be different.  Rather than sadness and tears, I would have bounced out of work that final day with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.  God was smiling.

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