For anyone that has ever had a miscarriage, you know how very painful it is. If you have never had a miscarriage, please read this blog. I never knew how to handle someone that had experienced one until after I had my first miscarriage. It was a real eye-opener for me as to how I had not handled the situation as delicately as I should have for those that had gone through a recent miscarriage.

When I found out I was pregnant six months after we were married I was very shocked, nervous and scared. Excited was the last emotion on the list. After my first doctor appointment at six weeks we saw the heartbeat on that screen and I instantly became excited. I started planning away. We decided to post-pone our seminary search until after the baby was born. We really changed the way we viewed our future at this point. At ten weeks I started shopping for maternity clothes and getting ideas for a nursery together. I had friends that were finding out they were pregnant and this really made the excitement climax.

At eleven weeks I started bleeding and panicked. I rushed to the doctor and they immediately did an ultrasound. To our disbelief that heart was still beating. We left the office even more excited than the first time.

A week later I was at work and the bleeding started yet again. I was much more calm this time around thinking it was just “one of those things” like before. I called Josh and told him not to even bother coming to the doctor this time since he only got paid when he was at work and received no sick time. I got to the office and they rushed me back to the ultrasound room yet again. I truly was calm thinking everything was going to be fine. The technician began searching and searching for that little heartbeat on the screen. She searched for what seemed like an hour, although it was only minutes. She turned the machine off and looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I’m sorry”. My thought was still very much positive thinking that she was going to find someone else that could search better. Instead she looked at me again and said, with a very sympathetic look on her face, “Is there someone you can call to come be with you?” I realized at that very moment the that the pregnancy was over. Shock started in my forehead and ran straight to my toes. I was blown away by this, it was the last thing I had expected on the drive over to the office.

I called Josh first and through many tears I told him to come be with me that our baby had died. I called my mother next, she works just a few blocks away. She was there within minutes. The three of us sat with the doctor and listened as she explained our options. We decided on a D&C surgery since the pregnancy was so far along.

I cannot describe to you the pain in my heart at that time. Actually, unless you have been there, you cannot know how it feels. Before this experience I thought of a miscarriage the same as a negative pregnancy test, just keep trying! Boy was I wrong. It is incredible pain, both emotionally and physically.

Before this miscarriage I was with several good friends one night at a cookout and one friend in particular had just experienced this very same scenario in her life. She had the same surgery a few months prior to this cookout. I had just found out I was pregnant and was blabbing on and on how anxious and un-excited I was about this pregnancy. I went on about how this pregnancy was just such a shock and how much my life was taking a different path than I had wanted it to and on and on and on…. I did all this right in front of her knowing that she had just experienced this horrible miscarriage after years of trying to get pregnant. I was so insensitive to her feelings, but only because I did not understand them.

I want you to know that the very same friend I did that to was the one God used to get me through my ordeal. She called me the day she found out about my miscarriage and explained that she too had felt this very same pain. She explained how the surgery would go and what exactly would happen. She emotionally held my hand through my tragedy. The day of my surgery on the operating table Josh and I were praying. At that hard, painful moment I remembered her words and God gave me courage through her testimony to have peace.

I tell my Sunday School class all the time that no one can give you comfort like the one who has been through what you are going through. I know that God sometimes calls us to walk down a hard road only so we can hold someone else’s hand as they walk the same road after us.

I truly sought refuge in the Lord and hid in His wings. He was faithful to his promise that He will never leave us or forsake us. He is with his children and He cares for us. He knew long before I did what road he wanted me to go down.

I had to wait over a year before God allowed us to start trying again. That was a very painful year for me, but He blessed us with getting pregnant the first month we tried! I have had two more miscarriages since then, but none as hard as the first. God is so good!