It is so funny that I received a request on writing an article for raising boys. I was just talking to someone last week about this very subject. Here is the exact request I received so you can better understand where I am coming from and I would love to hear from some moms who have raised or are raising boys! I know many of you are reading these articles because I have a stat counter, but many of you are afraid to comment!

“I was thinking a good topic would be the role of mothers trying to raise godly young men. I know for me, I stay at home with two boys, and while they have an awesome godly father to look up to, they are around me most of the time. I have no doubt my husband will lead them to be godly young men, but with me with them the majority of the time, I want to make sure I’m assisting him in leading them, and not hindering.”

Obviously I cannot speak here from experience because I have a daughter and I am one of two girls and my mother was one of two girls! But I can give you advice from someone I know very well that recently had an experience that totally and completely changed the way she has been raising her son.

When boys are naturally rambunctious and rowdy, it is hard to teach them any feminine qualities at all, such as table manners! My nephew would rather deer hunt at age 6 than just about anything else in the world! Some boys are just all boy from birth and there is almost no changing that fact. But what happens when you have a very manly, athletic, and masculine husband, but your son is born with much different qualities? When a boy is born with artistic and electronic desires, some men have a hard time relating to them and meeting their needs. What usually happens is the son would rather stay inside on a hot, sunny day to draw and sketch and have no desire to be outside climbing trees, riding bicycles, shooting bb guns, and other activities lots of little boys enjoy. The trap parents fall into in this situation is very natural, but unhealthy.

The father normally just continues on with his own activities without the son since they have very little interests in doing the same activities together. They can have a good relationship, just no interaction between father and son on an activity level. Both just do what they want to do individually. The mother usually finds herself as the one that spends most of the time with the son since the father is out doing the activities the son has no interest in.

This goes on for quite some time when both parents start to see that the son is really following the mother’s traits and tendencies. When boys are around women most of the time they can begin talking like them, laughing like them, and even acting like them. It isn’t that the father is being negligent or un- loving to his son, he just simply has different interests.

The mother usually ends up fostering to most, if not all, the needs of the child. Many mothers try to make up for the lack of time the father spends and OVER compensates the child’s needs.

The best way to prevent this from happening, or how to deal with the situation once it has happened is forcing the child out of his comfort zone and making him do activities he otherwise had no interest in doing. Enrolling him in team sports, encouraging him to go on deer hunts, bicycle rides, man-trips with other men, camping, football games, and even just running errands with the father just to be around men.

At first the child WILL BE resistant, but soon after, the child will really start to not only enjoy the activities, but also the time spent with other men. He will start to be drawn to more manly activities and behaviors. He should still draw and play with electronic devices and computers, but now on a very healthy level. I think parents must make their children come out of their comfort zones- all children! Any adult that has learned how to come out of comfort zones from an early age are so much more equipped to handle the Christian life and ministry especially! I remember being at my former church in Douglasville where they have a dynamic children’s program. The children come and sing in front of the congregation on certain occasions. There are always the few children that either cry the entire time they are up there or turn around backwards to not have to look at all of the intimidating faces, but at least they were made to get up there. After a few times the sting does ease. We need a generation of children that are not raised by their own rules, but rather the rules of the parents. It never scarred me or anyone else I know, and I do know a lot of people, to be forced out of our comfort zones. I do, however, know many adults that never have, and I would much rather have chosen the latter.

To answer your question, God intended the mother to be the main caretaker of the home and children. He intends for a boy and his mother to have a very healthy relationship even into adulthood. You as a mother are teaching your son (good or bad) what to look for in a wife. Your husband is teaching them how to treat their wives. If we keep this on the forefront of our minds everyday then we can raise our children to have good, solid, godly marriages. I do not think you should go outside with a football everyday in order to provide your sons with “male” activities. Let your husband do that!

This is a quote from Dr. Albert Mohler’s book, From Boy to Man. “Dads, you are crucial to the process of man-making. No one else can match your opportunity for influence with your son. By word and example we are teaching our sons the meaning of manhood. May God make us faithful as we seek to lead our boys to become true Christian men.”

I am glad you brought up this topic for me to research and study on. We may have our little “man” on the way right now, so may this material come true in my own mothering! Thank you!